MY NHS ESSAY

In my application to national honors society, applicants were required to write an essay on who they wanted to be. I wanted to post my essay to provide some insight into my life that may not have the chance to be explored in my essays-

I live a privileged life. Through sheer luck, I have been given the gift of a stable upbringing where food isn’t a concern, and I can always look forward to a roof over my head. While I have had my fair share of challenges, their scope has been far smaller than anything of actual concern. Coming from such a sheltered upbringing, I’ve always wanted to do right by others, believing that because I was so lucky, I should be able to help shoulder others' burdens. However, this soon snowballed into not just concern, but obsession and panic whenever someone so much as looked my way. I was bombarded by thoughts of what I should do and who I should be. I am the kind of person who is always worried about what others think, pining for others' acceptance. My goal is that by the time I leave high school, college, or even before I enter the workforce, I want to care less.

I, by nature, am not an outgoing person. But despite my nature, it is my personal belief to try

and speak to everyone at least once. After I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and my natural shell, I was able to meet and find an amazing group of close friends. They build me up, and always help me stay positive. In spite of all these friendships, I often find myself doubting their opinions towards me. I am always uncertain if they are truly my friends, or are just seeking something from me. Thankfully, this fear is unfounded, as my friends have never given me pause or a reason to doubt their intentions. However, this does not stop these notions are not based on logic, and often cause me to act irrationally. I find myself trying to befriend everyone, even those that are unkind or antagonistic. I have this irrational need to please and try to convince them to like me.

Despite these flaws, I love who I am. However, my inherent need to please people has taken a toll on my personal and academic life. One of my closest friends has pointed this out to me, and his support is the only reason I’ve made any progress. He is often the target of harassment and slander, but he is able to block those who wish him harm. I admire his ability to ignore the criticisms of those who dislike him and continue going on with his life. He has been a pillar of support in my life and has helped me become more sure of myself. Because of him, I have been able to realize that not everyone will like me, and accept that as completely fine. With help from those who support me, I hope to continue to grow and learn to be my authentic and true self.